I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
