She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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