i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
