I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
