I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
