You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
