I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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