your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
