apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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