Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
