i need an iv and a liver transplant
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize