I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
