I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
NoShamevember. You game?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
