When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
