I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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