Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need moral support for this bender
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
