I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yo dont text me then not text me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
