he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would fuck him just for his dog
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
