I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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