C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
