Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
