so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize