she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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