I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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