4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
