im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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