So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
