my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
