whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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