Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
