I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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