I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
