Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Mom said you looked used
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
