His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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