Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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