i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
