you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
