We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
