I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
