sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
