Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm having to shit out rocks
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
