It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
