so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
