Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
