Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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