I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Actions speak louder than pants.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
