saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
