I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
