she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
