Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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