one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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