you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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