im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
