I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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