matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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