a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
