So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
