I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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