I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
