I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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