either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
