shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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