Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
