I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
