i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
