so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
