Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
