Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
